Being Philosophical

I decided to go ahead and post that last bit. I was in the middle of writing it when I received a phone call from Ali and we discussed a certain issue that I became aware of at church that day. I won't go into details here but suffice it to say that it really upset me but I'm over it now.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and what I'm making of it. I suppose most people reach a point in their life when they look at what they have or have not accomplished. Yeah, I'm there. I turn 36 this next Friday. I can't believe I'm that old already!! So I've been reflecting on what I have done in my life and where I'm going.

I have to say I'm disappointed in myself. I don't feel like I've met my goals and honestly, I think that is pretty crappy. I've never been a great self-motivator and when I do things, it is usually at the last minute because I've procrastinated too much. I was thinking about all the things I want to do and the thought came to me, "so what are you doing today to accomplish that?" That's really what it comes down to, isn't it? What am I doing on a daily basis to accomplish the goals I've set for myself? I do a lot of wishful thinking; I want to do this or that someday. As I've said to other people (maybe I should listen to myself!), someday isn't on the calendar -- and it really isn't. If I don't work every day towards a goal, then it will not happen. My problem: this thought overwhelms me because I concentrate too much on the big picture. I think I have to work on every goal, every day or spend all day solely working on those goals. Faulty thinking, I know. My other problem is that it takes effort that I don't always want to give, e.g. I'm lazy. Let me just call that what it is. It's a lot easier to curl up on my bed with a good book than studying the scriptures or practicing the piano. Here's what is interesting though: exerting effort and doing something productive makes me happier while laziness makes me dislike myself. So why the draw towards laziness? Perhaps it is the whole "opposition in all things" doctrine, or even using agency to choose good vs. evil. It is probably both.

So, today I am making a pledge to be more "anxiously engaged in a good cause". There are SO many things I want to do with my life and I feel like I need to begin doing them. Here's a list of some of my goals:

• Play the piano well enough to perform or accompany others

• Develop my singing voice so that I understand and can apply performance technique
  

• Become a scriptorian

• Write a book -- this is my latest goal and I'm excited about it. I have resolved to write more so that I get the practice.
  

• I want to participate in a mini-triathlon -- this coincides with my "no belly-fat" goal. That one has eluded me my entire life. :)
  

• I want to be a master gardener and understand landscaping and then put it to use in my own yard.

• Be a successful geneologist
  

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. They seem to be lofty goals. So, is it possible to do all of it? Is it better to keep things more simple and concentrate on only one thing? I don't know if I could do that; my interests vary too much and, honestly, I get bored easily. Furthermore, by doing my goals am I neglecting things like familial duties, church duties, service to others, etc. that I am supposed to be doing? I guess it is all about how it is done.

Hmmm. Maybe I just need to begin with self-motivation since that would then open the gate to accomplishing the rest!!