Accomplishments -- Brad's style

After giving me a lot of flack over patting myself on my back, Brad came up with a list of his own accomplishments. He actually kept waking himself up at night laughing and thinking of more for his list. Enjoy!

1. I have never been able to keep a goldfish alive for longer than 60 days. I've tried five times.
2. In my 10 years of marriage, I have successfully gained weight every year.
3. I like quiche and I'm not afraid to publish it in a blog.
4. I successfully drove my car, with a gun in it, in and out of Mexico.
5. I was stopped by US customs on my way out of Mexico at which point I was frisked and partially molested by an over-zealous customs agent.
6. I have spanked each one of my kids in public and dared, through glaring, any spectators to say anything. Never has there been one comment.
7. I have officially been asked to leave an all-you-can-eat buffet at Sizzler. (They claimed they weren't kicking me out but towards the end they were serving three shrimp at a time with twenty minute intervals. They kept asking if we wanted dessert, to which we responded, "What makes you think we are done?").
8. Once I drank a whole 12-pack of Mountain Dew in one day.
9. I have eaten bacon alone as a meal.
10. I was officially kicked out of church basketball because I suck at basketball and I found they tend to discourage punching and kicking.
11. I have passed out from laughing.
12. I have never found a humorous moment in the show I Love Lucy.
13. I have never, ever, lost a wrestling match to one of my kids.
14. I am not afraid to admit that I am afraid of Chuck Norris
15. I have never, ever, worn a pink shirt, thus proving I am not gay.
16. One of my best friends in high school was black. This qualifies me as an expert in racial relations.
17. I once went 130 mph in a car.
18. I won the Arizona State Power Lifting Championship while having an allergic reaction to cream cheese and could barely breathe.
19. When our ward was desperate for a Webelos Leader, I promised our bishop that I would be a half-assed leader. I followed through with that promise for seven months until they released me.
20. I have somehow managed to stay self employed for almost 9 years.
21. My wife still stayed with me even though I am self employed.
22. I had a crew of homeless men helping me on my commercial paper route in return for a ride to the other side of town. They would ride in the back of my truck and do most of my work.
23. I worked for 13 months at a fast food restaurant. During that whole time I never revealed how much I didn't care about the customers' opinion of my food or service.
24. While working at the fast food restaurant, I made a hush puppy as big as a softball.
25. I am positive I invented the greatest breakfast cereal ever: frozen Oreo cookies with milk.
26. I am the only person I know whose piano teacher asked him to quit.
27. I played the trombone in elementary school for two years and it stretched my lips out to the point where they have never been the same since.